After the Wake

Dear Gram,

Well, the wake went pretty well. A lot of your friends from the choir showed up and sang. I haven't seen some of them since I was little. I wish Inez had been the soloist. The one they had sucked donkey balls. It was like she was tone-deaf. She sang so badly that the dogs outside howled along with her. Okay, okay...maybe I exaggerate a little bit, but it was pretty bad.

After the service I went to your house that's not your house anymore and ripped off that horrible girdle and changed back into my shorts and tee-shirt. I know I should lose a little weight, but I have an ice cream problem. Anyway, my cousins and I went out and had some burgers and played a few games of pool. It was pretty fun!

Tomorrow is your funeral proper and I have a reading to do there. Mum told me to practice it a lot, but it seems pretty straightforward. I've never read at the church though, so I'm a little nervous. What if I trip and split my pants? I'd never know with that damn girdle on. I hope someone texts me if that happens.

Right now, I'm fighting exhaustion because I wanted to drop you this note. Your little dog is snuggled up aside me. She's so warm and wiggly. I am honored to take care of her for you.

I saw your body in your casket. It was sort of creepy. No offense, Gram, but it just didn't look like you. There was no warmth or smile. It was like you are totally gone from this world now. I know you are, but just in case there's Interwebz in Heaven, I thought I'd write. You never really did take to the computer like you thought you might. I'm glad you got a few good games of solitaire played though.

Well, Gram, I guess I'd better sign off for now and get some sleep. Tomorrow is your service and then the long drive to the cemetery to lay your body to rest. I'm a pallbearer, you know, so I'd better be rested up. I don't want to drop it. I hope my hands don't get all sweaty. That would really, really suck. Almost as bad as the soloist.


Love you always,
Kit