It Was a Good Day Until It Wasn't Anymore

Dear Grammie,

Kaboodle took me to see Avatar today and then out for Thai food. It was wonderful until everyone got attitude. Mum called about a house and she called way too many times and Kaboodle said that Mum was acting like a jealous/abusive husband always having to know where I am and what I'm doing. It makes me feel like barfing because it's kind of true and now I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't stay here and I don't know if I dare go.

I feel like crying and just crawling into bed and not getting out...ever. I feel like everyone is using me for whatever they want. It's like I'm caught in a power struggle between Kaboodle and Mum and I don't like it! I want to be free of all this bullshit that surrounds me and is constantly invading my life.

What do I want?

I want my own small house fixed the way I like it and want it.

I want a small yard for my dogs.

I want my own bank account with no one interfering.

I want a small car that works well and can sit in the garage when I'm not using it.

I want to be able to write when I want to write.

I want to live my own life and not someone else's life.

I want peace and routine without disruptions constantly.

I want NO drama whatsoever in my life.

I want no one trying to manipulate me or guilt me into anything.

I want NO strings attached to things "given" to me.


That's what I want, Grammie. I just don't know how to get it. I keep praying for a pandemic, but it's just not happening. Did you ever wonder why I loved movies that depicted the end of the world as we know it? I love them so much because they put an end to all the noise and bullshit of this world and leave quiet and peace. No one wanting you to go here or do that or HURRY UP AND DECIDE or blah blah blah blah blah. I am so incredibly sick of everyone else's demands on my time and my peace. I'm not anyone's property and I'll thank everyone to remember that.

You need me? Call once...ONCE...and leave a message. If I don't get back to you right away, that means I'm busy. Stop calling and making a huge fuss when whatever is so damn important will turn into a big, fat nothing anyway. "Oh we have GOT to SEE this house!" After we see it Mum won't want it for some stupid, piddling little reason anyway. It's not like she's going to be living there full-time anyway. I just don't understand. I suppose if she reads this I'll get some long, rambling email detailing every little flaw with every house we've looked at and I don't want that. It's just annoying.

There, done venting. I'm sad too because I liked the little 6th street house. I liked the north side house too. I suppose I'll get stuck in some house that I don't really like and that has a dumb layout and is stuck in a neighborhood that I don't really like just because it has "the work done already" or is "the most house for the money". I guess I'm just glad that I might finally have a small house to call my own. Gift horses and all that.

I think I'm just feeling hopeless and depressed.

Thank you for listening Grammie and I miss you even more than I did before.


Love you always,
Kit