Mum's Birthday and More!

Dear Grammie,

It has been awhile hasn't it? I've been very busy and haven't had time to write, but I've thought of you so often. So many times in these past days I've wished you were here to give me some of your wisdom.

As you well know, today is Mum's birthday. 9 November! Not too long after yours...not even two entire months have passed. We have a lot to catch up on!

I met the lady who bought your house. She was very nice and quite excited to have her own place. She was probably Mum's age or so. She seemed really happy and that made it not suck quite as much as it did before. I think it will always be your home though, no matter what. She said I could come by and visit whenever I wanted, but I'm not sure if she was saying that to be nice or if she really meant it. Humans are difficult to read.

Mum and I have been house shopping. I believe that we've found my little house! We haven't made an offer yet, but hopefully will tomorrow. I'm torn up about Kaboodle though. I don't want to break-up but I just cannot continue to live here. It became very clear to me when we looked at a country property and Kaboodle just loved it and I did not. I didn't even really like it. It was poorly laid-out and there was an incredible amount of wasted space and pointless rooms. Don't even get me started on the stairs! I'm not getting any younger and my knees aren't very good even now! The yard was huge and Kaboodle can't keep this yard looking decent - there would be no hope for that one.

I also discovered I don't want anyone wearing shoes in the house and I don't want my garage filled with saws and ladders and rototillers and 90 gallons of nails among tons of other crap. I don't want yards of lumber and plywood and insulation. I want a garage with a small work area and then lots of space for my car. The small work area wouldn't even be really necessary since there is one in the basement of this house. Maybe just a little room to store my lawnmower and snowblower. The driveway is big enough to warrant a snowblower. The garage isn't attached, but it's very close to the house and it's possible a breezeway could be constructed at some point. I'm not planning on constructing one though.

I wish Kaboodle would be happy for me, but I know that's impossible. It's clear to me that our lifestyles are now too different to co-exist peacefully. I'd still like to be a couple, but I think that will be hard to do. I'm willing to put in the effort though. I wish I could have your advice, Grammie. I want a home that's neat, clean, tidy, and peaceful. I think I can have that...but not with Kaboodle. That's just not how Kaboodle lives - by choice or otherwise, I don't know. I just know it to be true.

I drove by your house the other evening and the new lady had the lights on. It looks like she had moved in some of her furniture. It was bittersweet. I was sad because it wasn't you in there but a little happy because she was so happy to be there. Anytime there was a light on it meant you were there and now it doesn't.

I have nightmares sometimes, Grammie, that your house is being trashed. It enrages me and I wake up shaking and furious. I don't like those dreams. I like the ones of you when you come back and hug me or smile. I miss you so much. It's like this giant hole inside my heart. I realized today that I can't stay in this town. I have to move across the river to the other town. There aren't memories of you everywhere I turn over there. Obviously that's not the only reason I'm moving but it does play a small part.

Peanut has been a very good girl lately. She's been asking to go outside for potty-time. She's been laying in her bed instead of jumping up all the time. She eats her food at meal time and enjoys her rawhide chews. We go for walks and she walks very nicely. Thank you for entrusting her to me. I love her very much.

I suppose I should sign off for tonight. It's late and I have to be up earlier than usual in case we make an offer on the little house. Mum left me a check for earnest money and I will need to deliver it to our realtor. I'm very excited! I think you'd like it a lot.

I miss you, Grammie!


Love you always,
Kit